Silence

It’s raining.  Correction - it is still raining.  It has been raining since I finished orientation on Sunday morning at 10:00 a.m.  As I write this it’s Wednesday at 5:00 p.m.  I am once again in multiple layers.  Aura felt badly for me and brought a pair of warmer pants in from her home for me to wear.  I have on a navy baseball hat, white long sleeve shirt, olive green sweatshirt with hood over the hat, purple pashmina, light blue and red scarf, Aura’s light blue sweatpants, an orange sarong wrapped over the pants, and white socks!  My feet are still cold.  I’m safely ensconced in my room, shades drawn, bathroom door closed (I closed it, so no fear of caiman) attempting to keep the warmth in.  All of the lights are on in an effort to create warmth or at least the illusion of warmth.  

It is my day off and I have succeeded in not talking, with the exception of wants and needs like food, pedicure, deep conditioning hair treatment and massage!  I made it all the way to breakfast without speaking to one person.  I ordered breakfast and sat quietly in the darkest part of the bar hiding from several guests who are unexpectedly in the restaurant at 9:15 a.m.  They must have decided to forego the full day excursion due to rain.  After a satisfying and peaceful meal, the first one I have had the pleasure of consuming without conversation since January 31, I walked back to my room.  In silence, the walk was beautiful.  It’s the same walk I make several times a day for water, rest, meals.  This morning, in silence it was a totally different walk.  I had the wherewithal to take in the beauty of the walkway, trees, plants, sound of the rain and renew my appreciation for the beauty of Sueno Azul.  It’s interesting how I can work and live in some of the beautiful places and not be able to fully appreciate the beauty on a regular basis.  Despite the best intentions I still get bogged down in the day to day existence, the doing instead of being, the to be done instead of being, the already done instead of being.  I get glimpses of this in Florida as well.  Some days my morning walk is filled with the wonderful beauty of Clearwater Beach, others is just another thing to do before I do the next thing.  Such a waste, this doing, already done, have to get done.  Being is so much more pleasurable and in the process the doing is also accomplished.  

Now the guests are restless.  They choose to return early and have been wondering the hotel, resting in their rooms since 2:00 p.m.  The next scheduled entertainment/event is at 7:00 p.m.  In order to block out their chatter, I have donned headphones and am blissfully listening to Cher while drinking tea.  I spend most of my time without any artificial background noise.  Sometimes the noise in my head is enough and sometimes I can actually hear the sounds of nature.  Since it’s my day off and I’m not speaking to anyone, I’m indulging in music. 

Usually when I return to the States after Costa Rica I am totally exhausted, depleted, in need of sleep, silence and food.  I have to adjust to lights, noise, planning meals, feeding myself and being back in touch.  For the first few years I was fortunate to have a friend take me in.  RoseAnn totally understood.  She would pick me up at the airport and we would catch up the whole way to her house stopping for our indulgent meal of much appreciated McDonalds and a Starbucks coffee.  The next 3 - 4 days were totally planned for me.  All I had to do was get up and go to sleep.  I think she even told me when to shower, as I was useless.  RoseAnn would prepare the coffee, meals, and plan our days.  She would tell me over coffee what I needed to know to get through the first hours and as I adjusted, the day.  I never understood how she knew, she just did.  I will always appreciate her for that.  I miss those days.  Last year she was in New York, I was homeless and my Mother was on vacation in Florida.  I spent a week with my mother - finding myself under the glaring florescent lights of CVS within 12 hours of landing in the US, looking for drinking water.  This year I’m no longer homeless, RoseAnn will be on her way to New York, Mom will be working and I’ll be on my own that first morning.  I think I’m finally able to handle it.  Probably not as well as RoseAnn did, certainly not as terrible as being in CVS looking for water at 9:00 a.m., somewhere in between.   I’ll have the Kangen water filtration machine hooked up as soon as I get home, solving the water issue.  I’ll travel with tea and organic snacks from Costa Rica so I can safely navigate the first 24 hours without having to leave my house.  

Perhaps, this year I’ll also be better prepared.  I figured out today one of the things I miss most about living outside of an all inclusive resort is the ability to have breakfast before I brush my teeth.  Such a simple thing that really encapsulates the resort lifestyle.  Most of us have down time throughout any given day when we don’t have to look our best or be on our best behavior.  Living and working in a resort doesn’t provide for that.  The moment I open the door to my room I become public property.  I can’t just run to the kitchen for a snack in my pj’s and slippers (oh, I wish I had some slippers), go check the internet for email without possibly seeing one of my guests or a member of the staff.  One of the biggest thrills about my day off is I actually get to stay in my room until I’m ready to leave.  I can use the bathroom, relax, use the bathroom, drink tea, use the bathroom, all before leaving the room.  All of the other days I have to be out of the room by 6:30 a.m. to practice yoga before teaching.  Teeth brushed!